{ A change in seasons }

My hearts essence made of stars & magic ,

yet you somehow managed to convinced me it was made of rock .

& though my soul cried out many times in hopes of saving me,

my mind took control of this heavy thought form & deceivingly took your side . "He's right" says my mind. Im wrong .Im always wrong. This is the very moment I obliviously yet somehow consciously gave up on my voice, my spirit ,my true essence. I went for what felt like decades in this long lonely mist of darkness .

My mind ,being so powerful ,It was easily able to conjure up this artificial light. This artificial "me".& for a while it felt "normal" .

Truly though, deep down I went years feeling as if I wasn't in my own skin anymore.

My minds reason was "well, this is what comes with love, you give up a piece of yourself & become a little more like them, just hold him down ,he'll change.I promise."

It didn't take long for my mind to convince me of this lie..his lie.

That subtle,gentle familiar voice was no longer a part of who I was in that faze of my life.

Or so I thought.I ignored my intuition for so long that the energy of life could no longer nurture me the way its very existence was meant to . Some years go by ..

the truth is ,you can only hide for so long until your insides (the universe inside of you & me ) no longer resonates with this identity you've willingly yet innocently made up & identified with for so fucking long .Time & time again EVERYTHING around you starts to fall apart.A deeper ancient part of you begins to notice this pattern . You start to get lost in your own identity ,bc of the definition you've been given throughout your lifetime on what it is to have an identity .You start to ask questions you've never truly thought to desperately ask out loud before.Friends & family try to understand, but in their eyes you were lost a while ago.You wake up everyday & feel empty. More & more questions arising. Your lost...or so you think....

My name is Yami ,Im not a "good" girl ,but definitely not a "bad" one.I am both in one.

My life experiences influence me & those around me, but it isn't who I am. Just how it isn't whom you truly are. These roller coasters aren't what define me.I am the up & the down.I am the in & the out.I am you & I am me. Eventually those ever-lasting questions become your answers, but only when you stop fighting it will it then reveal its entirety.Its true purpose & you will be found again.In the mist of all the chaos you become water.Still able to feel & experience ,yet this time your observing & flowing through it all.You become infinity .& who knows what's beyond <3